Book Time and Cute Faces

I need to be going to bed because I am so tired, so I will make this short.

I am thinking about the book reading these past couple of nights. Bennett has made it even better-I did not know he could. He kind of sits up on my leg when we read, and usually looks at the book. But he has started looking up at me after each page with his mouth open and his eyes wide, as if it is the best book he's ever heard. I end up spending most of the reading time laughing rather loud.

I tell ya- I have always loved reading books, but that look I get up at me after each page makes it way more incredible than I ever dreamed it would be.

4 months...

I have a four month old! Wow! I will probably say that every month! :o)

Bennett is growing and growing. Well, every part of him but his hair, that is. That seems to have been scrubbed off by him or just generally falling out. But luckily he's handsome as a bald guy. :o)

Bennett is very active. He loves to lay on his changing table, play mat, or just on a blanket and kick. He's a strong kicker! He is very attentive now, moving his head quickly to follow you when you move. It used to take him a while to catch up to you when he turned his head. Not anymore! He whips that head around like crazy! And his latest trick-blowing spit bubbles. He is a drool machine!

My favorite part of the day is quickly becoming bedtime. Not just the quiet time in the house (although that's not too bad, I must say), but more so the pre-bedtime. Particularly book reading. On the nights when Adam is working late, I hold him and read to him. But when Adam is home, it gives me a new perspective. I sit and face the guys and read the book. This is the best. Bennett LOVES to read books. He will sit through them without getting antsy. I love getting to see his face. His eyes stay locked on the page. They scan back and forth, taking everything in. Sometimes he looks at me quickly as if to say, "Isn't this great, Mom?" Then back to looking at the book. It is so wonderful and cute!

On a rough note, I have been having a tough time lately with working and having Bennett. I hate leaving him. Granted, I am in the second best situation, with having him in the nursery at work and all, but some days I can't help but feel I should be at home with him. And on those days that Bennett wakes up at 4:00 in the morning and then goes back to bed, when I can't, I am exhausted. Exhaustion never helps me cope. I go to school and often I am the only one there beside the janitor. It is a lonely feeling, walking in to the school, day after day. But I feel like it is best for me to go on to work because it gives me a little time to get things accomplished, which I need. It is tough to know what to do.

The one thing I try to keep in mind always is Bennett's sweet face. He is so cute and wonderful. He just talks and squeals and blows spit bubbles. I know it won't always be this way. I will eventually get sleep. I will eventually have something steady. And things will eventually fall into place. Until then, I will just keep smooching on Bennett's chubby cheekers!

Better Day

It is amazing what some sleep will do for you! Actually, that is no surprise to me. I have always known I cannot handle many things on little sleep. But today I feel better. One, because I got sleep. And two, because Bennett did a great job last night!

We decided that maybe he would be better going to bed earlier instead of later. So, we put him to bed at 8:00. We also made sure that we picked a time we could commit to. So, 8:00 is it. We started at 7:00 with the bottle, bath, stories, etc. At 8, we swaddled him up and laid him down. He griped a little, but fell asleep on his own. He woke back up about 9:30, but Adam convinced me to let him be and cry for just a little. He fell back asleep in less than 5 minutes. He slept from 8 until 2...6 hours! At 2, he woke up and we decided to feed him. Adam fed him and laid him back down in his bed awake-and he fell right to sleep on his own without crying at all! He slept until 8 this morning. HOLY COW! 12 hours with only one quick wake up! I am ecstatic!

Even today has been great. He got up this morning very pleasant, ate and played for a while, then when it was time for his nap, I swaddled him and laid him down. He griped a bit, but fell asleep. When he woke up too early, I let him cry for a bit, and he was back out within a few minutes.

I guess this makes me so excited because it gives me confidence. I feel like I am doing to the right thing-and it is working. So much of the time, I feel confused. One book says one things, another says something else. I never know what to do. But now, I feel like I am on the right track! YAY!

I Just Feel Like Posting

I am not sure what I want to write about I should be cleaning or folding laundry or something while Bennett is napping, but GOOD GRACIOUS I am so sleepy! Bennett somehow forgot how to sleep more than three hours last night. He woke up at 1 am, 4 am, 7 am, then 10 am. At the 5:00 mark, I burst into tears and had to go wake Adam up for help, after I stood there and sobbed for about 5 minutes. I was just so tired and desperate to go back to sleep and here was Bennett at 5:00 am, just smiling up at me, wide eyed. Adam let me go back to bed and put Bennett to bed. Bennett had to gripe a little bit before he fell asleep.

I am feeling overwhelmed with all of the scheduling things. I have read Babywise and tried to follow it, but it doesn't seem to work. Then, if he sleeps for 30 minutes, what do I do? Get him up? Let him cry? Or go rock him back to sleep. I guess the hard part is that I feel like I am doing something wrong because he won't sleep through the night. Yeah, I know that babies are all different and he'll sleep when he's ready, blah, blah, blah. But that only works in my brain logically. It doesn't help me to not be frustrated though.

Parenting is Hard

These are the times that parenting is the hardest. I am tired, I don't feel well, and all I want to do is take a bath and go to bed. But I can't. I have a little boy to feed, bathe, and put to bed before I can do all of that for myself. I feel bad because I know I am supposed to be more happy about taking care of Bennett than myself-and 99.9% of the time, I am. But there is that small little bit when I would rather be worrying about myself. Does that sounds terrible? I am just so sleepy and am kind of missing those days where I did what I want, when I wanted, all the time.

Bennett has been great today-sweet as ever. But today is just one of those days, I guess.

3 months

As of yesterday, I have a 3 month old. I doesn't seem like 3 months have passed by. It's gone so fast and been so great! Bennett is beginning to reach for things. Although he still doesn't have great control over his arms, you can tell he knows things are there and swats at them. He now prefers to sit up on your leg, just to check out everything. He doesn't like to be tilted back unless it is time to eat. Sitting up is his choice now.

Unfortunately, he is still not sleeping through the night. Sometimes he'll wake up

once, sometimes twice or more. It is very unpredictable. He was doing great with going to sleep on his own, but then he got sick last Sunday with a cold. I have been rocking him to sleep the past nights. We'll get back on track soon, I know.

Bennett smiles like crazy now! I love it!!! I turn into mush when he lays that grin on me. I squeal and laugh like I have won the lottery-I guess, in a sense, I have. He is

definitely a charmer.

Motherhood has been amazing. I love being Bennett's mommy. It has not been easy, I will say. Adam works so much and I often feel left alone to do everything. And when

Bennett cries and I can't fix it, that is so hard for me. Trying to juggle everything-going to the store, going to the bank, laundry, dishes, work-on top of having a baby is so much...TOO much sometimes. Some days I get so angry that I am so overworked. But honestly, that all fades away when he lays that smile on me. I can't resist but fall in love all over again. He is amazing.

Check Up and Sleep

Bennett had his 2 month check up a few weeks ago. Our pediatrician, though describing him as a "hunk-o-baby," said he was right on track. He weighed 14 pounds 3 ounces. He has reached all of his milestones. Pretty much, he's perfect. One of the other things the doctor said was "Ya know, he is big enough to be able to sleep through the night." Then he gave me the game plan, which he said will have him sleeping through the night in just three nights.

Now I have heard of the cry it out method, and was not a fan. I thought it was basically putting your child in their crib and letting them cry until they fell asleep, even if that took hours. Once I realized that it was a tool to teach your child they could fall asleep on their own and that you could go back in every few minutes to comfort them, I was somewhat on board. And then Bennett started griping every time he needed to go to sleep, even if he was really tired. After a couple bouts of trying to rock and bounce to no avail, I finally just held him while he griped until he went to sleep. After those couple of times, I realized it would not be the end of the world if he cried a little bit when it was time to go to bed. Then I was totally on board. But in case it was terrible, I decided to wait until Christmas break to start.

Last night, we began. We fed him, bathed him, read him a book, then swaddled him and put him in his crib. He griped for less than 10 minutes. He didn't even cry. Since we are getting better about keeping him awake longer, he was ready to go to sleep. He pretty much went straight to bed. Tonight was the same. I am so excited. Though I was kind of ready to let him put himself to bed, I knew I would give in if he cried too much or too hard. I am so glad he went to sleep easily. Now I am guilt free.

Now, if I could only get him to sleep past 5 am ....