I Just Feel Like Posting

I am not sure what I want to write about I should be cleaning or folding laundry or something while Bennett is napping, but GOOD GRACIOUS I am so sleepy! Bennett somehow forgot how to sleep more than three hours last night. He woke up at 1 am, 4 am, 7 am, then 10 am. At the 5:00 mark, I burst into tears and had to go wake Adam up for help, after I stood there and sobbed for about 5 minutes. I was just so tired and desperate to go back to sleep and here was Bennett at 5:00 am, just smiling up at me, wide eyed. Adam let me go back to bed and put Bennett to bed. Bennett had to gripe a little bit before he fell asleep.

I am feeling overwhelmed with all of the scheduling things. I have read Babywise and tried to follow it, but it doesn't seem to work. Then, if he sleeps for 30 minutes, what do I do? Get him up? Let him cry? Or go rock him back to sleep. I guess the hard part is that I feel like I am doing something wrong because he won't sleep through the night. Yeah, I know that babies are all different and he'll sleep when he's ready, blah, blah, blah. But that only works in my brain logically. It doesn't help me to not be frustrated though.

Parenting is Hard

These are the times that parenting is the hardest. I am tired, I don't feel well, and all I want to do is take a bath and go to bed. But I can't. I have a little boy to feed, bathe, and put to bed before I can do all of that for myself. I feel bad because I know I am supposed to be more happy about taking care of Bennett than myself-and 99.9% of the time, I am. But there is that small little bit when I would rather be worrying about myself. Does that sounds terrible? I am just so sleepy and am kind of missing those days where I did what I want, when I wanted, all the time.

Bennett has been great today-sweet as ever. But today is just one of those days, I guess.

3 months

As of yesterday, I have a 3 month old. I doesn't seem like 3 months have passed by. It's gone so fast and been so great! Bennett is beginning to reach for things. Although he still doesn't have great control over his arms, you can tell he knows things are there and swats at them. He now prefers to sit up on your leg, just to check out everything. He doesn't like to be tilted back unless it is time to eat. Sitting up is his choice now.

Unfortunately, he is still not sleeping through the night. Sometimes he'll wake up

once, sometimes twice or more. It is very unpredictable. He was doing great with going to sleep on his own, but then he got sick last Sunday with a cold. I have been rocking him to sleep the past nights. We'll get back on track soon, I know.

Bennett smiles like crazy now! I love it!!! I turn into mush when he lays that grin on me. I squeal and laugh like I have won the lottery-I guess, in a sense, I have. He is

definitely a charmer.

Motherhood has been amazing. I love being Bennett's mommy. It has not been easy, I will say. Adam works so much and I often feel left alone to do everything. And when

Bennett cries and I can't fix it, that is so hard for me. Trying to juggle everything-going to the store, going to the bank, laundry, dishes, work-on top of having a baby is so much...TOO much sometimes. Some days I get so angry that I am so overworked. But honestly, that all fades away when he lays that smile on me. I can't resist but fall in love all over again. He is amazing.

Check Up and Sleep

Bennett had his 2 month check up a few weeks ago. Our pediatrician, though describing him as a "hunk-o-baby," said he was right on track. He weighed 14 pounds 3 ounces. He has reached all of his milestones. Pretty much, he's perfect. One of the other things the doctor said was "Ya know, he is big enough to be able to sleep through the night." Then he gave me the game plan, which he said will have him sleeping through the night in just three nights.

Now I have heard of the cry it out method, and was not a fan. I thought it was basically putting your child in their crib and letting them cry until they fell asleep, even if that took hours. Once I realized that it was a tool to teach your child they could fall asleep on their own and that you could go back in every few minutes to comfort them, I was somewhat on board. And then Bennett started griping every time he needed to go to sleep, even if he was really tired. After a couple bouts of trying to rock and bounce to no avail, I finally just held him while he griped until he went to sleep. After those couple of times, I realized it would not be the end of the world if he cried a little bit when it was time to go to bed. Then I was totally on board. But in case it was terrible, I decided to wait until Christmas break to start.

Last night, we began. We fed him, bathed him, read him a book, then swaddled him and put him in his crib. He griped for less than 10 minutes. He didn't even cry. Since we are getting better about keeping him awake longer, he was ready to go to sleep. He pretty much went straight to bed. Tonight was the same. I am so excited. Though I was kind of ready to let him put himself to bed, I knew I would give in if he cried too much or too hard. I am so glad he went to sleep easily. Now I am guilt free.

Now, if I could only get him to sleep past 5 am ....

Work and Bennett

So it turns out that working was not as bad as I thought. The toughest part of it all, honestly is the mental battle I have with myself. It is so tough to work all day and come home and keep going, taking care of a baby. Especially when I have always been used to coming home, eating and sitting down to read. It's hard. But I try to take time every day to just look at his sweet face-it truly does make it worth it.

I think I have written about this before, but I am in a new school this year. One of the awesome things they built in the new school is a nursery. This means that Bennett gets to be at school with me everyday. I knew going into it that it would be pretty cool, but it is even better than I thought. I get to go down there and have lunch with him. I get to hold him and kiss his chubby cheekers. And if he is asleep, I'll love on one of my friends' babies who are there. It really is working out great!

Although I am tired and mentally worn out, I am enjoying being back at work. I feel more refreshed and excited to be there. I feel like I have something that is mine again. I think I would have been happy continuing on in the stay at home mom direction, but this is still great for me and I am glad to be back at work. It is going great!

A Few Pics of My Little Man

2 Months and Work (Bleck!)

Well, the time has arrived... 8 weeks have gone by and I am returning to work tomorrow. It is not that I am not happy to go back and see my friends, my students, and to get back into some sort of a structure-I am. But I am so sad to be away from Bennett. The longest I have been away from him since he was born is maybe 3 hours. He is just so much a part of me, that to be away from him all day will be a huge adjustment. On a happy note, since I only work 2 days this week, Mom agreed to keep him. Since Adam will be off work tomorrow, Adam will keep him Monday and Mom has him Tuesday. And then the tough part comes-the following week he goes to infant care. That day will be hard too.

On a brighter note, Bennett is doing great! He is almost 2 months old! It is crazy! He is SO FREAKIN' CUTE, I can't stand it sometimes! He has been making a lot more noises lately. Some of his happy noises just make me melt! He likes sitting in his swing and his bouncy seat and will often sit there for quite a long time. It gives us time to hang out and chat. He enjoys the bath tub. He kicks his legs and flaps his arms a lot and I love it! I am very excited for his first Thanksgiving and Christmas-the holidays are going to be so much fun!

Even though I am bummed about going to work, I am so happy that is he growing up and being a sweet, cute boy. He is literally a huge light in my life. I love every moment with him He is one of the biggest blessings in my life!