Chaos

I guess I should have known, with my personality, that getting pregnant would send me into a tailspin. I feel like I am in a frenzy of worry and anxiety. Maybe it is just being fatigued, maybe it is just that I am neurotic, who knows.

I know that I have about 6 months to get things done, but somedays it doesn't feel like that. Getting a nursery set-up, painting rooms in the house I have been meaning to paint, clean, get rid of old stuff, childcare, money, etc. It just feels like it all needs to be done tomorrow. Now, I totally get that this is not rational-I have plenty of time. I get that. But I still feel so anxious about getting things done before the baby gets here.

What it probably is, honestly, is worry about what life will be like when the baby gets here. Will I ever get to sleep? Will it be a good baby or not? Will Adam and I be able to learn what to do? Will our house be a good one for a baby? Will we have money? And since I don't have any of the answers for any of those, trying to get my house painted somehow seems to make those things better-kind of like having control over the things I can have control over when everything else seems out of control.

I know the simple answer is just "Relax. Breathe" etc. But that seems much easier said than done.