Work and Bennett

So it turns out that working was not as bad as I thought. The toughest part of it all, honestly is the mental battle I have with myself. It is so tough to work all day and come home and keep going, taking care of a baby. Especially when I have always been used to coming home, eating and sitting down to read. It's hard. But I try to take time every day to just look at his sweet face-it truly does make it worth it.

I think I have written about this before, but I am in a new school this year. One of the awesome things they built in the new school is a nursery. This means that Bennett gets to be at school with me everyday. I knew going into it that it would be pretty cool, but it is even better than I thought. I get to go down there and have lunch with him. I get to hold him and kiss his chubby cheekers. And if he is asleep, I'll love on one of my friends' babies who are there. It really is working out great!

Although I am tired and mentally worn out, I am enjoying being back at work. I feel more refreshed and excited to be there. I feel like I have something that is mine again. I think I would have been happy continuing on in the stay at home mom direction, but this is still great for me and I am glad to be back at work. It is going great!

A Few Pics of My Little Man

2 Months and Work (Bleck!)

Well, the time has arrived... 8 weeks have gone by and I am returning to work tomorrow. It is not that I am not happy to go back and see my friends, my students, and to get back into some sort of a structure-I am. But I am so sad to be away from Bennett. The longest I have been away from him since he was born is maybe 3 hours. He is just so much a part of me, that to be away from him all day will be a huge adjustment. On a happy note, since I only work 2 days this week, Mom agreed to keep him. Since Adam will be off work tomorrow, Adam will keep him Monday and Mom has him Tuesday. And then the tough part comes-the following week he goes to infant care. That day will be hard too.

On a brighter note, Bennett is doing great! He is almost 2 months old! It is crazy! He is SO FREAKIN' CUTE, I can't stand it sometimes! He has been making a lot more noises lately. Some of his happy noises just make me melt! He likes sitting in his swing and his bouncy seat and will often sit there for quite a long time. It gives us time to hang out and chat. He enjoys the bath tub. He kicks his legs and flaps his arms a lot and I love it! I am very excited for his first Thanksgiving and Christmas-the holidays are going to be so much fun!

Even though I am bummed about going to work, I am so happy that is he growing up and being a sweet, cute boy. He is literally a huge light in my life. I love every moment with him He is one of the biggest blessings in my life!

1 Month

It is awesome that Bennett is one month old! It does not seem anywhere near one month since he got here. Of course, that could be because, being awake at odd hours of the night seems to make my days just run into each other.

Bennett is doing awesome. He is more alert, more often. He likes to stare at my face, which I love. It works out because I love to stare at his face. He is breathtaking. He has recently discovered a painting on his wall of the ABC's and stares at them while he is being changed. He is a good sleeper and eater and just generally a good baby.

I have 2 weeks until I return to work and I will say, I am dreading it. I would love to take longer if I could. Even though he will be at the nursery at school with me, I am still nervous about leaving him there in the care of someone else who isn't my family. I some how feel like I am doing him an injustice. But I know it will be ok. I know it will get better as time goes on.

As I have said before, mother hood is even better than I expected. It may sound weird, but I love the little stuff like feeding him, bathing him, and putting on his clothes. He is such a dream and I feel like the luckiest person ever to have him in my life.

Thoughts on Motherhood

Doubts, fears, insecurities, anxieties-you name it, I probably had it about motherhood. I was afraid I would not bond with Bennett. I was scared of the hospital. I was nervous about leaving work. I was worried I wouldn't know what to do with a newborn. I was flat out, just scared about everything imaginable.

And then, at 6:22 on September 27th, all of that went away. And since that day, it has been pushed further and further back. I cannot believe that I spent all that time beforehand being so worked up. Things have gone even better than I could have imagined. Bennett is gorgeous and perfect. And mommyhood is something I am enjoying WAY better than I thought I would. I just look at him everyday and I think about how great things are. He is so sweet and I just love wrapping him up in my arms and snuggling him tight to me. I love to make him stop crying and listening to his little squeaky noises.

My labor was rough-long day, no sleep, lots of pain. But I would do it again in an INSTANT for this little guy. He is now my world and I cherish him more than I knew I could.

He's Here!

Wow, what a great past few days! It was a tough road, but I am so thrilled that Bennett is here!

Adam and I checked into the hospital Sunday night, the 26th at 10pm. They did a couple of checking in and medical type things. I was supposed to get some sleep, but that did not happen. Mom and I ended up sitting up all night and talking. At 6:00, the doctor's came in to start the pitocin drip. A few hours later, I was given some pain medication. At this point, I had been up 24 hours, so I was very tired and the medicine hit me very hard. I was quite drunk! My family has had a good time retelling all the stories of that day.

Long story short, labor progressed slowly. I got my epidural at 2 cm-earlier than they wanted, but contractions were happening so often even though I wasn't dilating too much, so they went ahead and gave it to me. I spent most of the day laying around out of it because of fatigue and medicine.

Being a bit spacey, as it turns out was quite a blessing. Once the doctor broke my water, it became apparent that something wasn't going well. Every time I had a contraction, Bennett's heart rate would drop. Turns out his cord was near a body part-most likely his shoulder-and each contraction would push his cord against his body, causing his heart rate to drop. The nurses kept coming in often, continually turning me from one side to the other, and monitoring his heart rate. Had I known all of this was happening, I would have been very scared.

Finally, around 5 pm, I dilated to ten and was able to begin pushing. My doctor was awesome-she did not want me to have an emergency C-section or have to use any kind of tools to get him out, which I did not want either. It took an hour of pushing, but finally at 6:22 pm, Bennett Gibson Rowe made it into the world, weighing 8 lbs 1 oz.

It was one of the longest days of my life-when it was all said and done I had been awake close to 40+ hours. Needless to say, I was delirious. But it was completely, totally, 100 million percent worth it!

Almost here!

As I sit down to type tonight, I am blown away that I will have a little baby boy in just 6 days! This is amazing, scary, exciting, all at the same time. This pregnancy really seems to have gone by fast. Ten months ago, I was telling Adam, "It says pregnant and I am NOT lying!" And now here I am, making sure my little guy has the "right" clothes and packing my hospital bag and getting ready for his arrival.This has been an interesting experience to say the least. It has been a tougher one than I expected, but still very good. In the end, seeing his face will make it all worth it, I know.

And new news-my induction has been moved up to Sunday the 26th, which will put him here Monday the 27th. I have also moved hospitals. I was originally scheduled to go in Monday and deliver Tuesday, but I got a call last week letting me know that Tuesday night my doctor was on call until only 7:00. That meant if he came too late on Tuesday, I ran the risk of her not being able to deliver him. So, if I moved hospitals (Women's East was full on Sunday night), I could deliver on Monday and she would be able to deliver him. So, it looks like I am headed out to Parkridge East. This is kind of cool, since that is where I was born. Bennett will be born at the same place I was! I like that!

I am tired and ready for this guy to get here! 6 days!!!